how do I get a remote db connection?

I have two independent websites, both with their own mySQL db's. I would like to run a query in site A against site B's database. I am trying to establish a connection using something like: $conn = mysql_connect("abc.com:3306", $user, $pass); A warning is returned to the browser : Access denied for user: 'abc@my_web_host.net' where my_web_host.net is the name of the host server. The db's name would be abc_com (This is not the actual name but the form is consistent with the real db name). If I try port 3307 I get "Can't connect to MySQL server on 'abc.com'(111), so I assume that I am able to communicate with the msSQL server itself, but is a permissions issue. I know that the username and password are correct. Could it be that remote acccess to the db is disabled? Or am I omitting something? Your help is appreciated. Irvin Amoraal.