Weird idea.

I got this idea from a recent post I noticed on phpbuilder.com about using php from the bash shell, so please don't think me a complete nutter. I've got a mysql database on a RH Linux 6.1 box. I usually employ phpmyadmin and a custom app I've written in php to administer and run reports from the database. Now I'd like to extend the usability of the database by enabling the client machines (running win9x) to select from the database (which contains assets and call tickets) based on their nic address and output the results to txt files that I can use for stats (who's logging in at what machine). I've thought about perl, but I know diddly squat about perl. So, being that I've only got a week left at this site, that seems like a stretch. obviously if I can keep using php, I will. So! is what I'm intending possible? Basically php would have to: run from a mapped network drive in win9x on any computer in the network (would this require me to go to distribute php to every machine in the network??) attach to the mysql database from any machine in the network and do selects kick the results out to a common repository, again a win9x mapped drive. is this too ambitious for php? should I just bite the bullet and cram perl over the weekend? I'd really appreciate some help with this one guys. cheers, Bradley